Have spent a month without a laptop and also had flu so my weight loss stopped/went off the rails, it’s made me realise how important I need this support : )
So just writing a blog to say hello again and going to weigh myself at the gym tonight and assess the damage! I did my 1st ”class” today..pilates…oh my word, i thought my body had turned to jelly.
i really need to blog this as i will go off the rails otherwise..i have an utterly addictive personality food/alcohol /drugs ( the latter being a while ago) when i was a coke head i was so thin and hated myself and then alcohol and food were a massive comfort zone…don’t even get me started on cigs! i really wish i was happy enough with life to not rely on something to take me away. i really want to be ”content” not happy and over the moon etc just ok.
my mum called today which has kicked this all off i guess, she was married to a peadophile and I was instrumental in putting him in jail and i know i am over it but everytime i talk to her i feel like a helpless child not an intelligent 37 year old and although i know i am the only one in charge of my life i just want to kick someones arse when i listen to her…it’s always mine and i am sick of kicking my own butt!!! I blogged this because i know you are all lovely, caring, non-judgemental people and we are here for one reason….we want to love who we are and if that means losing weight…hey we can do it!!! i am so glad i joined this site, it’s a daily reminder of what makes sense.
This just about sums me up….first week and i lost 2 lbs so rather than stay on track i went to the gym and then got drunk on moonshine (thursday is our ‘friday’ here, weekends being friday and saturday) stayed up until 3am talking to friends in the UK on skype ( alcohol is illegal here so that’s the only option more or less) i’m not sure what i am more annoyed with my self with…drinking half a days calories with ”empty” crap or the fact i will want to eat rubbish all day because my body is all out of whack. i guess i am just a bit homesick and miss my girls nights out…every friday we would all go to the pub and drink too much chardonney and put the worlds to rights. i know i am very lucky to be financially stable right now and my thoughts and positive energy etc. go out to those who have lost jobs and houses etc in this economic shit storm that is happening and i don’t mean to moan…i just miss being in London and having my friends 100 metres away….yeah…i am definately hungover LOL
The most riveting ( and I say this knowing it will reveal how unexciting my life is) thing I have done this week is buy a blender! I am just appalling at eating fruit, I just find it the most boring food on the planet, I can just about do melon and blueberries but apples, oranges etc are about as exciting as eating paper, so to get round this I bought a cheap blender ( hold on to your hats…it also CHOPS!!!) so now i just chop up loads of fruits add a small glass of juice and blend it all up into a lovely fruit juice/frothy drink and chug it down after I have been to the gym. The good thing about it is compared to a ”juicer” I still get all the fibre and pulp etc. If I am feeling outrageous I make a banana milkshake!
Went to the gym last night and played a game of counting how many women were wearing full make up ( eyeliner, lipgloss etc) and counted 9…am i the only person who goes in sweats and one of my old t-shirts and looks like a sweaty, red-faced mess by the time I am finished??? It’s hard going in the evening as in Kuwait it’s full off all the young show-offy young lads which generally makes me feel old, fat and sweaty so I have to keep reminding myself I am doing this for ME and not so I look attractive to other people….I think I flip between the 2 but I guess this is my own low self-esteem, I hate judging myself/others on ”looks” ..it’s a horrible thing to do and I know I do it when I feel crap about my own body I am obviously going through a bit of a mental dip right now but this site is keeping me on track….it’s also been great getting feedback on my blogs, (thank you!) I think I am now feeling brave enough to start adding people as friends.
Went out for a Valentines meal last night ( a freebie at the Movenpick …no expense spared!!!) I was most restrained for 2 courses ( it was a buffet ..food heaven/ diet hell) I had lots of fish, veggies etc….the dessert was less successful and i had mouthful portions of about 5 different things…on the way back we saw some people we knew ..one of whom kindly pointed out I had a big smear of chocolate on my forehead..I have no idea how this happened,I can only assume the chocolate jumped up and attacked me as I have been ignoring it for the last few weeks…the only explanation!
So…from this weekend ( Friday & Saturday in the M.E.) and keeping the handy food diary I have already sussed out that eating out is a bit of ”danger”area for me, my self restraint goes out the window when I am faced with anything else but my diet friendly fridge and cupboards…so I am going to have to think of ways around this…maybe take a a picture of my ”thin” self in my handbag and keep looking at it before I order or hit the buffet???
I hope you all had a Happy Healthy Valentines and that we all learn to love ourselves and our new and improving bodies, that would beat flowers and a card for me any day x
I started the day SO well, lots of fruits and vegtables..day off from the gym and my husbands work outing which was at a theme park…..if you have ever tried to find anywhere in Kuwait ( add to that..being married to a man who has the sense of direction as Losty McLost from Lostville) there is a chance you end up waaaaaaay out in the desert, a 30 min trip took us 2.5 hrs and we ended up near the Iraq border, stupidly I hadn’t taken any snacks and was afraid to drink the water I had brought with me as I didn’t fancy having a crafty wee in a sand dune..by the time we got to the theme park I was demented with hunger and had a chicken royale with chips..aaaaaaaaaagahahahah!!! This was a free meal, so i did the usual self persuasion of ”well, it would be silly to spend money when it’s free”…..this had the delightful consequence of making me burp like a trucker..ironically this started on a ride called the Tornado, as my husband pointed out 50ft in the air..”I have never found you more attractive”…his sarcasm is as keen as his ability for getting us lost.
The upside of this is I put it in my food diary and I NEVER realised how many calories those pesky BK meals contained..and the FAT ..OMG I nearly fainted, so in a weird way thanks to this site I have been scared silly of going near them for quite some time…and TODAY is a new day..fingers crossed I don’t go mad and off the rails :)
I finally bit the bullet and got weighed at the gym…when he asked how much I thought I was I said ” 12 stone??” I was 12 stone 10lbs and nearly cried….the heaviest i have ever been..I’m 5ft 7 and have gone from a UK sise 8-10 to a size 14-16 in about a year and i just feel miserable everytime i look in the mirror and put on clothes, so I am really motivated to do something about it for my own mental and physical health!
A combination of moving from London to Kuwait, losing some self confidence as I no longer work and feeling sort of out of place here ( there aren’t that many pale , red haired girls around, i get alot of stares which makes me very uneasy) has led me to staying in alot and just not doing anything and comfort eating. I went to Bahrain in the New Year and tried on a ”party” outfit and just looked awful, dull skin, big belly…just not myself…so after a month of gee-ing myself up i have finally got back to the gym and onto a healthy high-carb, low fat diet and excersise 6 days a week for 40-mins to an hour.
I’m going on holiday in May to Cyprus so my mini goal is to at least feel comfortable with my body by then.
I think this website…reading sucess stories and how everyone is really commited to this…will REALLY help.
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